We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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