The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
