is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
