Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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