you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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