My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize