If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
