Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
