bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
