I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
