What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize