Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Someone came in the potted fern
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
