It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
