I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
