Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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