SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
