dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Boobs are out for the taking
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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