There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
