i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
