I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
