i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
