how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
