this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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