He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
