Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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