Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
