i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
