I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
