One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
