I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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