i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
