were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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