She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize