can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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