just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
