Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
