I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
