Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
