CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
