I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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