Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
