he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
