is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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