Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
