I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
