so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
