i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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