life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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