she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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