I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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