New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
