And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
