I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
