I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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