If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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