All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
