Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
