He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
