3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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