oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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