the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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