i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
