I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize