i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
