he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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