ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
