just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize