I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
