Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
