At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
