my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
