Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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