your room smells of hookers.
And success
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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