whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
