Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
