I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
