she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
