the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
